you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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