I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
