I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We named our party play list daddy issues
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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