drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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