So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
