Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
