He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
