redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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