the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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