I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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