drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
As shirtless as possible
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
