Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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