the new term for farting is butt boxing.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
