I am midnight drunk by noon
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
