my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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