I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
