So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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