So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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