Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
