At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
