i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
