yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
