There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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