I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
soo... how was my night?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
