I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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