My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
