this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I have tasted many bathrooms
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
