i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
