Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
