someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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