I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
