Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
