well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
