my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
