Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
