My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
