Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
