Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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