I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
