He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
