I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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