Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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