Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
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