I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
