shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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