Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
