he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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