I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My life is pants optional.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
