cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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