whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
