Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just cropdusted the office
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
