i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
