Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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