I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
