plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
