I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
